[Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered]
I love this Tallahassee Democrat story about Florida State twins, both medical students, who started a charity drive called “Share a Pair.” They collect shoes to send to needy children around the world.
And, in other news, it turns out that Valerie Plame is a twin mom! I cracked up reading this blog post about her defending her claim that she had not used nepotism to send her husband on assignment to Nigers.
My husband and I took our three-and-a-half year old daughters to a little “play date” session at a local private school. Really, of course, this play date was an admissions event.
Already, I have a number of reservations about applying to private schools. I grew up going to public schools, and overall, I got a fine education. I realize I was lucky and that I grew up in neighborhoods with good schools.
Additionally, private schools are expensive, and my husband and I hover in that middle range of the middle class where we don’t make enough to send our kids to private schools, and we don’t fall into the range of people who qualify for financial aid.
But, we live in the Los Angeles area, where good public schools are few and far between, so we have to hedge our bets and explore lots of options for the time being. At least we live in a neighborhood where the public school has a good reputation. So, my husband and I agreed to just check out all the possibilities and watch where the chips fall.
So that’s how we found ourselves at the crack of dawn on a Saturday morning, taking our kids to meet strangers who would be evaluating their academic and social prowess.
This particular school has a stellar reputation, and a number of friends of mine have sent their kids there. I also have a number of former students who have gone to this school, all with the same rave reviews.
So I went with the best expectations.
When we got there, we were invited into a large multi-purpose room where there was friendly kiddie music playing. The kids were all playing with the giant blocks and having a nice time.
I watched as a teacher approached Dinah and asked her to come with her. Suddenly, seeing this teacher approach only Dinah, I realized that they were going to separate the girls for the session.
I went up to the teacher and asked if this were the case. She wasn’t even aware that there were twins coming! And she said that yes, they probably were going to be separated, and that if they came to the school, they would probably be separated then too.
Now, as a teacher and a parenting writer who regularly receives electronic news feeds about twins and multiples, I am a double ringer. So, I decided not to make too big an issue out of it. After all, I figured, maybe Dinah and Djuna would do fine being separated. Who knew?
But, I couldn’t help thinking, that the current trend is not to separate twins in school. There is even a law being proposed in New Hampshire that would prohibit schools from automatically separating twins in school. (Read here for more information.)
The kids all eventually scampered out with their respective teachers, and it was hard to see, in all the hustle-bustle, just which kids were with which teachers.
Dwayne and I waited in the room with the other parents, and the kiddie music continued to play in the background. We chatted with a family we knew, but I was distracted, thinking that my always-together girls would be apart.
In fact, they were separated. The parents were invited to wander through the school for a bit, and we caught sight of Dinah and Djuna at different times in the playground. They seemed content enough, but somehow sedate, not my sparky, sparkly daughters.
As a teacher, I get it. I know that the teachers only wanted to see the girls in their individual state. That’s OK. But would you say to a tiny, young individual, “You know, we want to see how you do this try-out session without your right arm. If you are truly strong and smart, you’ll figure out how to cope without that arm. You have another one, after all.” The cherished all-American value of independence is different for tiny twins.
How can I explain to people who don’t have twins that being a twin is an integral part of their existence? That when I was in the hospital with one daughter when she was one-and-a-half that she woke in the night, calling for her twin? That on the few occasions when we have separated and done different things with the girls, that they run to each other and hug when they are reunited? That they have a multitude of jokes that only they understand?
Things are different as twins grow older, I’m sure, and I know that different twins have different needs too. But, shouldn’t teachers at least ask what’s best for my twins? Funnily enough, without my husband and I asking the girls specifically, they have both told us that they missed each other yesterday morning.
It made me have a newfound appreciation for Mama Pete, the woman who runs the girls’ current preschool. She’s over 90 years old and has been running her preschool for over 50 years. In her holiday card to us, she wrote something along this line: “Dinah and Djuna still pretty much stick together, but that’s completely appropriate for twins at their age.”
Thanks for your wisdom, Mama Pete.
Tyra Banks recently taped a show about conjoined twins that is expected to air February 15. These two articles, one from the Litchfield County Times and the other from Canada.com, both tell the stories of conjoined twins who participated in the taping.
Read about 7-foot twin brothers Robin and Brook Lopez, both freshmen basketball players for Stanford. There’s a Q & A where the brothers talk about each other’s strengths as ball players.
Just a glimpse from just-before-bed-time last night:
My adorable little three-and-a-half-year old twins working sweetly on a puzzle together singing, “We’ll work together, we’ll be friends forever,” from Pooh’s Heffalump Movie.
And then I called them upstairs for bed, and Djuna read out loud to Dinah while she tried to poop on the potty.
How cute is that?
And a glimpse from tonight, right now:
One twin in a monkey costume, one twin in a frog costume, running in and out of our home office, hiding behind the door, opening and closing the door, giggling one second and screeching the next, teasing each other by swiping the little stuffed banana that came with the monkey costume.
Some days when they run around like crazy opening and closing the door to the office, like two little freaks in some Moliere play, I think that the only reason they still have their fingers is because of the blessing of little gadgets like this, something that every parent-to-be or every parent of toddlers simply must have. This one isn’t exactly like mine, but you get the idea:
Image of “Door Mouse Finger Guard” from One Step Ahead
And during the time it has taken me to write this post, now the girls are sans costumes, sitting right outside the door that would have otherwise taken off their fingers (if not for the safety gadget), and they’re sitting on the floor, their toes touching, reading their books.
Sigh. Ah, life is lovely …
“Welcome to the house with two of everything,” said a friend of mine as he came into our home recently. I hadn’t seen him in awhile, and he caught sight of a pair of chattering Elmo dolls as he entered.
This stung a little.
I am aware that I have a “thing” for toys and that I enjoy them as much, or more, than my kids. I am also aware that my kids have plenty of toys. OK. Even so, we don’t have two of everything.
Since I found out that I was having twins, I’ve been curious about this issue, particularly since I would like to prevent materialism in my kids. When I interviewed twin psychologist Dr. Eileen Pearlman about twin identity for BeTwinned, I asked her about toys and having two of the same thing. If you don’t have time to read the whole Q & A, here’s what she said about the toy concern:
BeTwinned.com: In BeTwinned toy reviews, we want to review toys that are good for sharing, but we also want to review toys that are simply great toys even if they are really best played with alone. Is it OK for parents of twins to buy toys that belong just to one twin, or should twins share everything? And, is it OK for parents of twins and multiples to double-up on some special or highly-desired toys? At first, I was afraid I was spoiling my kids if I bought them each a their own Thomas train, for example.
EP: It’s not just OK, it’s important. In order to be able to share something, you first have to own something. You can’t go straight to sharing. First it has to be learned that this is mine, and then that’s yours, and then OK, we can share.
For someone to have ownership is really important because sometimes what’s on the outside is what is reflected on the inside. If I have my own toys and my own clothes, that means I’m my own person. If I have to share everything on the outside, then do I also have to share my identity and myself inside? So the inside and the outside work together in this way. I think it’s important for parents to be able to give twins their own toys, to be able to have their own thing that they covet. This gives them a sense of ownership, a sense of pride, a sense of identity. Yes, I can see where swings and big-ticket items you could have one that they have to share. But there are certain things where they may want to have one of their own. Maybe they want something a little different, or maybe they want the same thing.
I remember when the Cabbage Patch dolls were in, and one mother told me she was going to get one of her twins a Cabbage Patch doll and the other one something else. And I said, “Well, what if they both want a Cabbage Patch?†Even if they were both singletons, they may both want a Cabbage Patch doll.
It is important for parents to follow their children’s lead to see if they want the same or if they want something different. And if there’s something that’s coveted, we need to listen to them. If they both want to take ballet, fine. But if one wants to take ballet and one wants to take gymnastics, it’d be better to say, OK, this is what I need to do right now. If you both want to take it, fine, but if not, it’s all right.
BeTwinned.com: That’s very empowering. You feel pressure from society’s values that they must always share and that you’re spoiling them if you buy them two Thomases or two Cabbage Patches.
EP: No, you’re not spoiling them at all. There is a lot of pressure. I had a mother in my group just last week – she has 15 month old twin boys. She said, “They should be sharing, they should be the same.†And I said, “Why should they be the same? Even identical twins are not the same.†We need to see where each of them is, and we need to see where they overlap. Sometimes the overlap may be great. I use the example of one twin being a red circle and the other being a yellow circle, there are places where they overlap to make orange. Sometimes there is a big overlap and sometimes there’s not. There’s a lot of red and yellow in each one and there’s orange. So you have to pay attention to all of that.
In terms of encouraging my daughters’ personal interests, I’ve found Dr. Pearlman’s advice about following the child’s lead to be very helpful.
And on the practical, home-management side, sometimes having two of the same thing really helps. For example, depending on the toy, having two can prevent a lot of fights. But, two of the same thing can also create a pain in the butt, like with two cube puzzles someone once gave us. With 30 different blocks in each puzzle and with each side of each cube offering a different picture for one of the six possible puzzles, cleanup of two sets was a nightmare. That’s 360 possible cube sides, folks. A veritable sorting-out disaster, determining which block went with which set. So, happily, one set now has a different home.
As far as gift giving, people do mean well, I know. But it’s almost always best if people just ask first. I have found that the answer to the question of whether to bring two of the same or two different toys is totally different, depending on the item. And sometimes one toy to share is perfect, too. Other times, no toy at all is also a happy alternative.
It occurred to me the other day that as far as sharing toys goes, my own twins have the great advantage of having a built-in best friend with very similar interests. For Christmas, Dinah got a stuffed Lightning McQueen and Djuna got a stuffed Tow Mater (both characters from the movie Cars), and it just delights me to hear one of them say to the other, “Hey! Wanna switch?”
How lucky is that?
Freshmen twins Christa and Kayley French are creating “a bright future” for their Northwestern University epee team, according to an article in The Daily Northwestern.
Even better than seeing twins excel, I just love that Northwestern University was one of the few universities that was willing to recruit both young women, rather than just pick one of them.
I’m just having a hard time imagining being a mom of two girls who made it a common practice to wield sharp metal objects at each other for sport.
Twins and higher order multiples participating in all sorts of health studies is nothing new, of course. (Read all about the importance of twin studies here on BeTwinned.) But Jess and Lisa Origliasso, 22, better known in Australia as pop stars The Veronicas, have been signing up for twin studies since they were kids, according to an article in Queensland’s The Sunday Mail.
And now they will be participating in a five-year glaucoma study.
From the article:
“Being twins, we know how important it is to learn as much as possible about our genes and this particular eye study is very important,” they told The Sunday Mail.
“The findings of these studies help twins like us to be able to deal with any gene problems that may occur in our lives.”
Glaucoma is a chronic eye condition that is hard to diagnose but leads to irreversible vision damage and blindness.
It affects more than 300,000 Australians and is growing in prevalence as the population ages and diabetes becomes more common.
Megan, Molly and Moriah Frazee, all sophomores at Liberty University in Virginia, will be featured in a documentary about women in college basketball, according to an article on the Liberty Flames’ website. The show, “Pride, Passion and Power,†will air on Sunday afternoon, Jan. 21 from 2-3 p.m. EST on CBS Sports.
Apparently, the Frazees are the only set of triplets in NCAA Division I women’s basketball. The article also says they are top scorers and rebounders for the Lady Flames.
After a flurry of articles last year about whether twins should be forced to separate in school classes, the story has resurfaced in the Concord Monitor of Concord, N.H.:
In New Hampshire, 436 people have signed a petition asking for such a law, and seven lawmakers are registered to sponsor the bill. Nicknamed the “twin bill,” the exact legislation hasn’t been finalized, but sponsors said the gist is that it would direct schools to consider parents’ wishes when deciding whether to place multiples, which is the preferred term for higher-order births, in the same classroom or in separate classrooms.